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Also, there's a specific place for you to talk up your hobbies, and it's not your handle, ILike Sexn Soccer. (And if they were, Ding Dong 9Inch Wong would take it every year.) All a username has to convey is "I'm not crazy." Your profile can take it from there.

Wouldn't this same sentiment—"I enjoy playing soccer in the park, and an active sex life is important to me"—sound less caveman-ish in your actual profile? Davidson: "People need to see your face, but shooting up close with a wide-angle lens makes your nose look bigger.

See, your profile isn't meant to make a stranger fall in love with you.

Once you're sitting in front of her with the less-than- 15-percent hair loss that she's handicapped your photo for, then you can really get to know each other—as two hormone-leaking, masochistic adults who want so badly to be in love again._—Mary H. Choi _You want to say you're an oenophile or fluent in Klingon? The beauty of online dating is that it's stocked with people on the ends of the bell curve—the kind you'd never find normally.

I think that about covers it.""Hello I am funs human from Romania. I LIVE IN MOMENT."_—Drew Magary _No pressure, but that first message is as do-or-die as it gets in online dating. "We've found that subtle self-deprecation works great," says Langston, "and that a joke works out terribly." Mention a common interest from her profile—we both like skiing! Compliment her ironic Kanye shades, sure— just not any part of her actual body._—Julianne Smolinski _You want to suck the air out of a potential first date?

I move here four years ago and make many good friend but not find special lover. We asked Grant Langston, senior director at e Harmony, for a few guidelines to keep her from clicking delete. Blow through all your conversation topics beforehand with an hours-long emoticon-filled chat session.

I'd end up on five or six dates in a week, sometimes scheduling Saturday brunch and dinner dates like a football player doing two-a-days to get in shape.

What would Pavlov say about a machine that lets you click a button and in return you might get the love of your life or a night of great sex? Sure, I had some apocalyptically bad dates, but most were a blast.

Or you could follow our flowchart and find the one designed to pair you with the woman (or man, or costume-wearing sex slave) of your dreams.Escaping..first message: It seems dickish, but if you know you won't jibe with someone who messages you, just click delete.The alternatives— brutal honesty or the soft letdown—only sting more and waste your time.Relax, don't overthink it, and remember that what you're putting up is the equivalent of first-date banter.The process is a mild inconvenience, not a confession or a trap, so just chalk it up to the cost of being proactive. This sounds like some type of Yoda koan, but try to talk about what you like, not .

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